I will be entering my third year of community college this Fall. Adding the word “community” before the word “college” completely changes that sentence, doesn’t it? It makes me feel like a failure. Why haven’t I been able to finish CC in the normal, expected two years? I am not on course!

Yes, I have found ways to be active on campus. I’m vice president of the student government association at my campus. I’ve been involved in the improv club, and I’m also in two honors societies. I’ve stayed busy, and I’ve accomplished many of my goals, but I still feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

Most of my peers in student government have determined their destinies and are on track to complete a particular degree to acquire a specific job…exact opposite for me. I have no idea what I want to do.

Ok, I have a bit of an idea. I see myself majoring in political science and then getting a government job, but I’m still scared. There are so many “what if’s?” What if I don’t like the job? What if it doesn’t pay enough? What if I’m unsuccessful?

The definition of success in our society seems vague. Is it success in your particular career? Your personal life? How much money are you making? Is your job prestigious? I think the last two sum up the American Dream for many people. Everything costs money. And in regards to the latter of the two questions, people like to show off. Think about high school reunions. Though I’ve never been to one, I know by the time my first one comes around, I want to be able to say, “well, I earned X degree(s) from Y university(ies), and I’m doing Z work.”

Until I determine a remotely concrete plan, I’m not sure if I should compare myself to others. It’s so hard to resist, though. Comparison makes us competitive. Competition leads some to succeed, while it leads others to fail. It’s a combination of the two for me.

This is not a “journey” blog. This is not about personal development. I don’t know if I’m going to develop into a better person because of this. That’s not the goal. There really is no goal.

No goals…that’s exactly why I’m indecisive, unsuccessful, and everything else people hate about millennials.

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